My Mom, and Me... More about me.... How I feel... | teeheartmarie's Blog

I wrote this about my mom a while ago, I decided to write more today....

            I'm just one of those people that has to put my personal signature look on everything i can! I'm creative, original, and very  resourceful. I’m inspired by anything n everything. My mother was very talented, deff were I get it from!She’s by far the most talented person I know or knew. She made me a mini Polly Pocket world, were there was little street lights, made on a huge piece of wood with sandpaper(black) on it to look like a street, she made roads (chock), took lil pebbles and glued them together for brick, stone walls. I also used to watch her draw (Sketch) a people right in front of her, and it would exactly the same, like people sitting down, on the bus it was amazing! 
     Why would God give a woman so many talents, to see her use drugs and waste it all. I don't wanna be like that, i don't want to waste it! Who says i have to be chained to things I'll seen in the past or done, I think those things still bother me a lot and i don't know how to get over them, how can I when the person has past that caused it? I cant even talk it out with her (my mom). I have been able to tell her things like, "mom I understand what you are going through and I don't blame you for anything" but She wanted to believe me, but i feel like her own self guilt took over. I loved my mother, I don't blame her for anything, but I do think some of the things i seen kinda messed me up a little, but Don'T get me wrong either, I'm very smart, self aware, etc... I mean, depression, mental health, stuff like that, i've done things for it in the past, but nothing seemed to work, counselling  groups, meds, all of it... I feel like I do drugs only to cope, cause i really do hate them! I hate drugs with every once of hate i have in my body yet I'll spend my hard earned cash on it, not all times, only when I get sooo down, me trying to help myself doesn't work anymore. I've just felt so badly about myself lately, I'm sure my job doesn't help! I know, I know.... But i'm running out of things to do, answers, anything......Will my past hunt me forever? When will i move on from seeing all the drug use, woman selling themselves  the grime of the city, I'm just a young, white, female, trying to be, learning to live life, learning more about me everyday.... I guess no one knows.....
                                  Thanks for reading! Wanna chat more, friend me!

          Love & Miss You, MOM....;)