Catch Up Pt 2 | teeheartmarie's Blog
Hey Guy's !
WOW I have so much to say I don't even know where to start.... mmmm OK. I only have a quarter left to my C & A Group, I know some of you have been reading, and you guys already know I started this web site at the same time I started my group, So I could remember everything I went through, and how hard I worked to get there. RULE #1 Never forget how bad it was, this is how so many get back into there old habits, cause they forgot how it felt. I want to remember, I want to remember how fuckin hard it was, and that I did do it. I'm Very realistic I know that I have to work on this single day for the rest of my life, but there's no doubt in mind my I can do it, especially now. It's 2013 I'm throwing out the trash in my life.
It would have been five years in May, the toxic relationship I was in was slowly killing me, and no joke. The only other person in my life that could probably make me kill, other than my mother LOL... That's how accidents happen, I bug out, he doesn't stop, especially when on drugs. He's completely gone and on a rampage, while using and when he's like that, there's no doubt that he will end up killing me. It's been like that for years, everything will be good, than we will fight, but were both very hard headed, with big mouths. I'm just so fed the fuck up for real, I've tried leaving him so many times, I've even had other relationships when we have split, I feel like we always ended up back together because we found each other when we both lost someone (I lost my mom, than 2 mths after he lost his Grandmother, than his cousin, n my uncle), and we needed each other. But I'm at peace with everything now, I want to move on with my life shit, and he can't seem to get out of the past.
We had a really bad fight around Christmas he said "You ruined Christmas" So I said "Oh really". Basically he knew I haven't had a good Xmas in so long, cause he was in jail. The other Xmas he was gone, its w.e. I'm better now, so fuck the past (trying to at least). So any ways I was pissed, so I throw the Xmas tree at him, smashed everything, it was crazy. He grabbed me by my throat, and I still didn't care, he said "Who do you think you are" While holding my throat. I said "I'm me bitch" It was the heat of the moment, that's when I knew I was no longer afraid and didn't care. That's why I needed to get out of there, cause once you get me to that point, only God knows what I will do, and I have a pamper, what can I say. Maybe I'm just angry, shit I have a lot to be angry about. BUT I'm a positive person, I don't let that shit phase me, I'm not saying i walk around angry but I use it when I need too.
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